FREEDOM

What I learned at a documentary show about USA yesterday on BS2 channel.

Americans fear public speaking more than they fear death. It's written. It's a fact. Americans top five fears are public speaking, death, spiders, heights, and clowns. Oh wait, number five was just friend who was, believe it or not, deathly afraid of clowns. That explains why said person stayed a mile away while im having my picture taken with my lover, Mickey Mouse, at Disneyland. Anyways, what did Americans come up with to help them overcome this fear? Well according to the experts, as well as every 80's show I've ever watched, all you need to do is imagine the audience either naked or in their underwear and, supposedly, your fear will just disappear. Poof. Gone like my dignity after a night of drinking. Personally, I have never tried this technique, but I've heard that it does indeed work for some people. And by "some people" I mean panty-fiends and blue-blocker wearin' pervs. But hey, they're people too. So that's the American technique, which leads me to...

The Japanese style. It should be noted that Japanese people do not fear public speaking like people in the west. Sure it would make the top-ten phobias list, but I am sure that "mydaughterwantstomarryaforeigner" phobia and "Imightactuallyhavetothinkformyselftoday" phobia would surely be higher on the list. However, when faced with the task of public speaking, Japanese people employ an interesting tactic. Before they are to speak, Japanese people draw the kanji for "people" on their palm and then 'eat' the person out of their hand. The person is a representation of the audience and 'eating them' allows one to swallow their fear, or something along those lines.

So, I was thinking about how backwards these two techniques are. Think about it, America is a country full of meat-eating freaks. Beef is the god damn American heroin. And Japan is, shamely, a country of panty-loving perverts. Pick up a porn magazine and its women's underwear as far as the eye can see. Shouldn't the styles be switched around? Shouldn't Americans, faced with a public speech, be getting their snack-on, vis-a-vis a tasty human morsel? And shouldn't Japanese people, the pervs of the planet, be dreaming about all the office ladies in the audience in their underwear? Or maybe, just maybe, all of us, Japanese and Americans alike, should think about eating naked people that taste like underwear. That, ladies and gentlemen, might be the ultimate solution...